Happy Tools

You always hear about people telling you to love yourself and to have respect for yourself but I don't think I really understood how to until recently. I realised that part of the reason that I used to feel quite unhappy was because of the kind of people I was surrounding myself with. I often went after or let people in to my life who were not empowering me and didn't walk away because I didn't know my value and didn't think I deserved respect or to be treated in a particular way. From my experience, sometimes, when you don't value yourself, it can lead to letting people into your life that might not necessarily be the best for you or accepting poor behaviour from others, when that's never really something that should be accepted. It's taken a while, but now I am at a stage where surrounded by such a great and supportive social support network who are so encouraging and genuinely care about me. It helps me to feel a lot more confident and empowered. I...

I got myself into a situation a little while ago where I became very self-conscious and worried about what other people thought of me. I became so paranoid and convinced that other people were judging me that I just couldn't be free and I couldn't be myself. It was here that I realised how much value I was placing on other people liking me. And there came a point when I felt like some people had turned against me or that they were judging me for certain choices and decisions I had made and it hurt me and bothered me. But that whole experience made me realise that I know who I am in my heart. I know that I have good intentions and thoughts. I do make mistakes sometimes, but so does everyone. Whatever people think of me - it doesn't define who I am. Since that experience it's made me cherish the people I do have in my life and the people who have stood by, even during the bad times. It's brought me closer to the people that I need to be close with rather than people...

I've been thinking lately about the difference between being positive and just sugar coating things that are really not okay. I've trained myself to try and be a more positive person but I started to realise sometimes my attempts to be positive were tipping over into sugar coating things and denying when things were not going right... The time I noticed this was when I would feel anxious and unhappy on this inside but would portray an image of smiling and happiness to everybody on the outside. This started to make me internalise my problems and avoid finding the solutions - making the anxiety even worse. It also made me feel quite artificial. So having thought about this some more. I think positivity isn't about portraying an image of being constantly happiness on the outside. It's a feeling of contentness and acceptance. It's about accepting your emotions and feelings, happy or sad, and knowing that you can handle it no matter what. It's about knowing that ...

Something that I have been trying to work on recently is how to think outside of the box. I feel that a lot of the time I like pattern and routine and get set in a particular way of doing things - so I then get stiffled when I have to think outside of the box. This issue particularly became prominent in situations at work where I would work myself really hard and spend a lot of time on tasks without sometimes thinking whether there was a quicker, more efficient way of doing it. I've been pondering a little on why I do this recently and I think one of the reasons is that I often absorb myself in tasks without thinking outside of the box is because I get scared of change and the idea of doing something wrong. At least if I follow the manual and stick to the same way things can't go wrong... But the problem is when you are busy and have a lot to do, you end up working yourself silly just to meet the deadlines. Therefore it is important to find new and innovative ways whi...

Talking about my views and opinions is something that I've really stuggled with in the past. This is because I don't like to cause conflicts and disagreements, I like to get along with everyone and for everything to be hunky dory. I've noticed I often deter myself from situations where I have to say what I think because of this. Unfortunately I've realised that in the bigger picture you have to be true to yourself and say what you really think. It is often necessary to say what you think in order to make a difference to a situation even if people do not necessarily agree. However, whilst it is important to say what you think. I believe you have to be careful that saying your opinions and views doesn't tip over into arrogance. I read a quote recently which said "There's always a way to be open and honest whilst being respectful. Anyone who behaves otherwise is just being lazy." I think that this is a really important point and something to be awar...

"Life is not a competition. Each one is on their own journey. Live according to your choices, capacity, values and principles." I got sent the above quote to me the other day and it really resonated with me. This is because I am 23 years old and at a time in my life where people are constantly coming in and out of my life. It was starting to make me feel a bit unsettled because you do get used to stability and having the same people around. People all seem to be do be doing different things with their lives. Some people are getting married; some people are studying further; some people are buying houses. You do sometimes wonder whether you should follow others on the same path and sometimes lose focus of your own journey and pace. The truth is, everyone is different in what they want from life - just because others are doing certain things, doesn't mean it's the correct next step for you to take too. There are so many things that I want to do in my life, b...

Three months ago I realised I had gone so far into my comfort zone it was like I was in a bubble. I was fearful of new situations; new people and new challenges. As a consequence I was really restricting myself from doing things and wasn't growing or learning anything different. I was going to and from work everyday; doing the same work; talking to the same people that I was comfortable with and not trying any new challenges or activities. Over the last few months I've started to realise how important it is to step outside your comfort zone in order to grow and not be dependent on situations and people staying the same. I've therefore been pushing myself to go out, talk to and meet new people; I've also joined some new activities outside of work which has really improved my confidence such as a weight lifting class! I've also looked at areas where I can improve and grow at work and start to develop more in my career. I'm can safely say the last few months...

Friendships are one of those wonderful things that make your life just that little bit lighter. It can be great to talk things through with friends and share your happy and sad moments. I'm lucky enough to have some incredible friendships which I've built up over the years throughout school, college and University and can safely say I will be friends with these people for lifetime. Nevertheless, I find it quite painful when I lose friends. I recently met someone who I got along really well with, we could talk really organically without it feeling forced and we had a lot in common. I genuinally thought we would continue to be great friends. But a situation occured which has meant we are not anymore. After six months of getting to know this person it seems we don't really talk anymore and  for the past month or so I have felt really hurt about it. More than this, they don't really seem bothered by it and I am. I don't have any dislike towards the person because of t...

I've been wondering. Do we need to feel pain in our lives? I mean it's not exactly a pleasant feeling. In my opinion, yes and no. I think it can be adaptive if we learn from it. However, if we get  dwell on the pain for a prolonged period then it can be maladaptive. My view is that emotional pain is like a trigger in our brain telling is something is not right and we need to deal with it. Be it emotional pain or physical pain, when we experience it, it's a wound that needs to be dealt with and healed. Sometimes it's frustrating when you go through a situation where you experience pain and all you want to do is bounce back up again and face life. Some people think that this is the way and say "Get back up," or"Keep going," To some extent, yes, we do need to get back up and carry on but I believe this is the wrong thing to say to someone who has just come out of a painful situation. How are we meant to keep going with an open wound that hasn't ...

For a really long time with people around me I've been shying about and not wanting to show them who I really I am. So I show them a perfect version of myself deeply trying to hide all my flaws. I present to them what is acceptable in society and hide any negative or wrong thoughts that I have in fear that this will cause conflict and cause me not to be liked. Now I've started to become more comfortable with people it makes me nervous that they're starting to see my flaws and insecurities because after all, everyone else is completely perfect and stable right? It's easy to think that way but in reality I think everyone has flaws and thoughts that might not necessarily be acceptable but I really don't think hiding them away in a little box is the answer. Here are a few reasons why: 1. There are a lot of people out there with insecurities and fears - hiding yours away could cause other people to believe that you don't have any insecurities and hence hide their...

Since being back at University there's has been an exceeding level of focus on grades and academia . Whereas while working, this competitive, grade definition was not such a big issue. I find that being back there's this constant comparison to other people. People constantly asking you, 'How did you find this project?' or 'What did you get for this project?' and you feel a sort of pressure to do well and achieve as a result. While in a way this can motivate me to study, it can also make me really stressed out. When I'm constantly comparing with other people - I confuse myself. Everybody works in different styles and different paces. But just because one a further stage of an essay, I suddenly feel like I should rush to get that stage, disregarding my own project plan and pace. This is why I found that working away from University, I was much more content and happy with my own working style and as result seemed to not stress out too much about my work. Bu...

I have been pondering over this subject it lately, and I am in a bit of a dilemma. I have recently come back to University after a year out working during my placement year. Placement year for was a great experience because it helped me to come out of my shell. I've always been reserved and quiet and through working and taking responsibility I saw myself become more confident. I also discovered a world outside of work! As I was living with my aunt we both joined Toastmasters. This is a club where you work on your public speaking skills, you are taught methods to grab people's attention and tackle your anxieties. My aunt and I really enjoyed and benefited  from it. It was also a time that I discovered that speaking is like exercise for me. I'm not naturally loud person, but the more I put myself out there and practice speaking. The more comfortable I become with speaking and the less of a chore it seems. Now to my dilemma. I am back at University now - I've...