Happy Tools

Friendships are one of those wonderful things that make your life just that little bit lighter. It can be great to talk things through with friends and share your happy and sad moments. I'm lucky enough to have some incredible friendships which I've built up over the years throughout school, college and University and can safely say I will be friends with these people for lifetime. Nevertheless, I find it quite painful when I lose friends. I recently met someone who I got along really well with, we could talk really organically without it feeling forced and we had a lot in common. I genuinally thought we would continue to be great friends. But a situation occured which has meant we are not anymore. After six months of getting to know this person it seems we don't really talk anymore and  for the past month or so I have felt really hurt about it. More than this, they don't really seem bothered by it and I am. I don't have any dislike towards the person because of t...

I've been wondering. Do we need to feel pain in our lives? I mean it's not exactly a pleasant feeling. In my opinion, yes and no. I think it can be adaptive if we learn from it. However, if we get  dwell on the pain for a prolonged period then it can be maladaptive. My view is that emotional pain is like a trigger in our brain telling is something is not right and we need to deal with it. Be it emotional pain or physical pain, when we experience it, it's a wound that needs to be dealt with and healed. Sometimes it's frustrating when you go through a situation where you experience pain and all you want to do is bounce back up again and face life. Some people think that this is the way and say "Get back up," or"Keep going," To some extent, yes, we do need to get back up and carry on but I believe this is the wrong thing to say to someone who has just come out of a painful situation. How are we meant to keep going with an open wound that hasn't ...

For a really long time with people around me I've been shying about and not wanting to show them who I really I am. So I show them a perfect version of myself deeply trying to hide all my flaws. I present to them what is acceptable in society and hide any negative or wrong thoughts that I have in fear that this will cause conflict and cause me not to be liked. Now I've started to become more comfortable with people it makes me nervous that they're starting to see my flaws and insecurities because after all, everyone else is completely perfect and stable right? It's easy to think that way but in reality I think everyone has flaws and thoughts that might not necessarily be acceptable but I really don't think hiding them away in a little box is the answer. Here are a few reasons why: 1. There are a lot of people out there with insecurities and fears - hiding yours away could cause other people to believe that you don't have any insecurities and hence hide their...

Since being back at University there's has been an exceeding level of focus on grades and academia . Whereas while working, this competitive, grade definition was not such a big issue. I find that being back there's this constant comparison to other people. People constantly asking you, 'How did you find this project?' or 'What did you get for this project?' and you feel a sort of pressure to do well and achieve as a result. While in a way this can motivate me to study, it can also make me really stressed out. When I'm constantly comparing with other people - I confuse myself. Everybody works in different styles and different paces. But just because one a further stage of an essay, I suddenly feel like I should rush to get that stage, disregarding my own project plan and pace. This is why I found that working away from University, I was much more content and happy with my own working style and as result seemed to not stress out too much about my work. Bu...

I have been pondering over this subject it lately, and I am in a bit of a dilemma. I have recently come back to University after a year out working during my placement year. Placement year for was a great experience because it helped me to come out of my shell. I've always been reserved and quiet and through working and taking responsibility I saw myself become more confident. I also discovered a world outside of work! As I was living with my aunt we both joined Toastmasters. This is a club where you work on your public speaking skills, you are taught methods to grab people's attention and tackle your anxieties. My aunt and I really enjoyed and benefited  from it. It was also a time that I discovered that speaking is like exercise for me. I'm not naturally loud person, but the more I put myself out there and practice speaking. The more comfortable I become with speaking and the less of a chore it seems. Now to my dilemma. I am back at University now - I've...